Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
