we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
