im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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