I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
