But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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