What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
