i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
