when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
