he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My bed smells like the plague
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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