your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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