I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
