Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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