it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
