took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
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