She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
