im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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