He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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