After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
