I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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