my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it hurts more in the daytime
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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