She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
