Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
