you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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