dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
