Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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