That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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