How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
