my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize