onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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