You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
