so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i believe in u and ur pee
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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