So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
