I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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