I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
