The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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