Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
