I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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