i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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