did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
