OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
