I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
