Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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