no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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