I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
