She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
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the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Houston, we have a blender
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
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It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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