It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
