if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
