I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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