yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
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