If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I love having hate sex.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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