just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
