Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
