So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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