i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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