Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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