i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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