My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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