Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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