guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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