Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
