In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I look better un-naked...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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