i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
