threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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