The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
we're making bets on your personal life
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
