thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
