so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
