If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Someone came in the potted fern
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
