I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
