There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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