he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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