I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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