Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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